15th June 2009

the 166th day in 2009


betrayal will never end
coldness in the dark never goes
wings of a sparrow never set free
hatred within one's depth never known

so have i heard
everyone has a true friend
who understands them very well
in this vast world he/she is hidden
it's up to you to search for them


i held my hopes high
waiting for her to show up
but in the darkest moments
she never did


foolishness i did feel
for there isn't a real friend for me in this world
sometimes loneliness overcame me
but i hold out strong


when droplets of sadness emerge from me
i would rub away the water of sorrow
and say to myself
it's ok, tomorrow will be a new day


everyday i use up all the energy
to please the crowd
but in the end
nothing changes


i think i am a clown
forced to smile when things go wrong
forced to bring happiness when inside it hurts
the craziness of wanting a true friend
the loneliness of wanting a real friend


masks is what i wear everyday
to hide away true emotions
yet wanting to do so much with so little strength
to be different than others
to shine out


stupidity
yes
it's stupidity
the world never saw the truth
the world never gave in
the world
will never change


what can i do
to make the nightmare disappear
to unlock the windows of my eyes
and the door of my heart
to accept the fact of nothing is fair
to believe the existence of the true friend


can i help myself
or fade into the shadows


i think i belong neither in dark or light


i'm nothing